Well, Democrats could use a few kicks in the head if they can't understand, as I told MN Pubilicious: "Minneapolis and St. Paul belong in the same congressional district. It makes complete sense - one urban core congressional district." Complete sense. Complete. Sense. I'll tell you why.
First, why do you think they're called the "Twin Cities"? It's because Minneapolis and St. Paul are essentially siamese and inseparable, culturally speaking. Sure, on one side of the river you've got streets named with names and on the other side you've got streets named with numbers, but both cities are bastions of liberal intellectualism, each with a campus of the government's University of Minnesota and each with their own private liberal arts colleges. They each have their "alternative" film, food, and music festivals; they each have their minorities and their crime problems and all their "ethnic" restaurants.
But to say that they are culturally distinct or deserve separate representation is pure malarky. If they're all America-hating liberals, let them all hate America together in one bloc and really stick it to us Republicans with a 20% margin in every election. Let them have their Keith Ellison! Who needs that traitor anyway? The liberal traitors, that's who:
Compared to the monoculture of Twin Cities, Greater Minnesota is a choc full of diversity! Why, every town has its own distinct and unique summer celebration with huge savings to be had at the local mall! In Virginia, Minnesota they've got their "Krazee Days." In Bluff County in they've got "Krazee Daze!" In the somewhat more modest and, yes, you could say "conservative" (in the spelling sense, that is) they celebrate their tried and true "Crazy Days."It's almost enough to make your head spin,
dontcha know!
And that's why out-state Minnesota needs as much representation as it can get! Sure, Ellison can easily represent the sordid underbelly of Minnesota that is its cosmopolitan metropolisseses, but who can hope to represent the interests of, say, a farmer from Fairbault and a bricklayer from Moorhead? It's just unthinkable! If Minnesota were to lose a district, just think of who would lose out. Heck, your elderly Aunt Millie in Bemidji doesn't have much at all in common with your elderly Uncle Buck (sadly, yes, they are estranged) in Cass Lake, a whole five miles away! If Minnesota loses a seat and the districts have to be consolidated, Northwestern Minnesota and Northeastern Minnesota could potentially be represented by just one voice in our nation's chamber of the people!
And in any case, any natural population growth in the state that will allow Minnesota to hold on to its congressmen certainly couldn't be coming from the cities. It's not like urban voters are out there having any kids. They're all a bunch of unwashed hippies whose idea of a good time isn't playing horeshoes at the Church barbeque but rather watching Amazonians collide with one another in violent expressions of feminist rage:
Any growth in the Twin Cities metro area is either due to:
- Non-Minnesotan refugees from Wisconsin swamping the Twin Cities to enjoy our superior sports teams (the only authentic American culture and entertainment to be found around here); or
- Out-state Minnesotans forsaking rural family values and throwing their lot in with the godless sodomites of Loring Park
If the Twin Cities weren't so wrapped up in their lattes and their pilates, maybe they could get around to popping out a few and pulling their weight. But as it is, they don't deserve the special privileges of extra representation they currently enjoy and it should be stripped from them, especially if it means Aunt Millie and Uncle Buck would be forced to live in the same district, which, really, was the only thing allowing them to move on from their sad, broken marriage.
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